Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
