I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
