You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
