Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
