YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
