The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
