mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I cockslap morals
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's shark week go big or go home
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
