I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
