Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
