Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
