I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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