YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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