after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
