She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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