Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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