true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
