if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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