Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
