Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
