My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
