garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
