my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
