Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
