miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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