my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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