My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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