WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
