my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
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