And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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