i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
