She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
