I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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