so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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