So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
