Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
