Have you finally orgasmed yet?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
