She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
