As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
