i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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