....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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