Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
