3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
