I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
