Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
