I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
