I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
