i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
