NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
