His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
