It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
