smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
